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I started this account when I was 13 years old. Originally I started it to look at Sonic the Hedgehog fanart. As any 13 year old Sonic fan would do, I named it after my fan-character, Dillon the Hedgehog.

I am 21 years old now. And you know, it's funny. It's really really funny, when I think about it. I mean, it's such a cringey name, really. Dillon the Hedgehog? Jesus Christ, what was I thinking? I should totally pony up and pay for a Premium membership JUST to get it changed... 

Wait what? It's called a Core membership now? Huh. Jeez, the times they are a changin'.

Anyway, It's $15 for the basic Core membership, apparently. Is rescuing myself from such a cringey name worth that much? Maybe it is.

But then I think about it, and the name doesn't bother me so much.

I mean, when I was 13 I didn't care. Sure I didn't want my close friends or family knowing about it, but I didn't care what everyone else thought. And man, I drew like a maniac. This website is really what got me started in drawing. And sure, the art I made was about as cringey as the name, but I didn't CARE. Nowadays when I actually get the time to draw something, I always have to weigh whether or not it's worthy of being posted, hoping that the quality is up to some arbitrary standard before I finally decide to upload it. Which means like half of the things I draw aren't even seen by anyone besides myself. But 13 year old me? WHOOO 13 year old me didn't give one single FUCK. Picture I spent 5 hours on that looks crappy? UPLOAD! Incomprehensible notebook doodle? UPLOAD! Cringey fanfiction and/or original works? UPLOAD!

Because 13 year old me had something.Something that I feel like 21 year old me has lost somewhere along the way. That something, I feel, is the need to draw more for myself. Obviously 13 year old me had less responsibilities, therefore giving him more time to draw. But I used to be so happy and proud of everything that I drew, that I couldn't wait to show it off to my friends on the internet! But now all I do is doodle by myself, barely ever getting on Deviantart anymore, and hardly uploading anything anywhere due to my own shame at the quality in my work.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: when did I start becoming so ashamed of the work that I create, instead of being happy about making it? Where did the passion to draw, no matter what, go?

I dunno. But I'm hoping to get it back somehow.
  • Listening to: Coheed and Cambria Neverender Tour
Volume I: From Fear Through the Eyes of an Idiot

Hello everyone. It's been a while. Every single time I write one of these I claim that I'm going to post more. And then I never do. All I can say is that I'm sorry and I'll try and do better next time.

But on to the main point: I also made this journal to alert you all that I'm starting up a webcomic. seeingredagain.tumblr.com/

Just some questions to answer about it from the get go:

Is it any good?
Not really.

Why is it all red?
It's symbolic/ That's the color I sketch in and I'm a lazy bastard/ I like the color red.

Why host it on Tumblr?
Because hosting it on Tumblr is free, and I'm already familiar with how Tumblr works in regards to posting, as opposed to using a comic site that I've never used before.

You're gone for months/ years at a time and you make a journal post about this? Where the HELL have you been?
It's a long, long story. Beside the fact that I keep falling in and out of love with this site, I'm going into my third year of college, and some other personal things have happened that have kept me distracted (like trying to run away from home and crashing my car, and getting started on antidepressants, for example).

Are you okay?
Eh.
I keep buying Humble Bundles even though I don't need anymore games.

I don't even usually know the games that I'm buying. I already have like 30 something games.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
I'm just gonna play this forever instead of drawing.

Yeah
I can't even draw anymore. I just tried and ugh...

How do people do this? How do people make art and consistently like it? If you know, let me know, because I'm beginning to get frustrated.

I used to be able to just draw and love it, so what happened? Is it because I got older? Fuck.

Just... Fuck.
  • Listening to: Suffocating Under Words of Sorrow
What the hell is a bumpkin
  • Listening to: Space Oddity- Kendra Morris
  • Reading: Slaughterhouse Five- Kurt Vonnegut
tl:dr: Dillon talks about exactly where the hell he's been, gets a bit emotional, tells about how much better he is than a year ago, then about what his plans for the near-ish future are.

Hello to any and all who stop to read. It's been a long, long while. Longer than I had hoped or intended.

Originally I had intended just to get away long enough to get myself in order and focus on school stuff, since when I made my original post about leaving and being unsure how long I'd be gone, I was just getting on with my first year of college. Then I had a small burst or two where I came back and would post a thing or two or seven... But I'm not going to count that as being "back".

Instead of focusing on fixing myself, all I did was simply turn my attention to other time-wasting things. I made a Community Facebook page, and then a Tumblr, all under a new name: Doc Proto. I did this so that people who knew me on Facebook wouldn't know it was me, since I was mostly going to use it as a sort of rant/vent type page, and then I just made a Tumblr with the same name to retain my anonymity, I guess. The reason I say all of this is to explain exactly what I've wasted my time on. Since I was attempting to remain fairly anonymous, showing people my deviantArt page with my name very clearly displayed wasn't an option.
So. I went on and met new people and made even more friends, but at the cost of leaving behind my old ones from dA, with the thought process that I was "getting rid of distractions", when in reality I was just finding new ones.

I decided randomly today that I'd come back just to look through some old art stuff of mine. While I had a good chuckle at how I've noticeably improved (why the hell didn't I used to draw necks?), I also started looking through notes and journals by other people and friends of mine to catch up on what they've been up to.
It's hard to describe what I'm feeling right now. I guess some part of me wanted believe I could just leave and come back and everything and everyone I knew would be exactly as I had left them. I come back and see people whom I had once considered my best friends now leaving the site, and/or moving on with their lives. Hell, I just found out johnnywhoa is ENGAGED. Not that that isn't FREAKING AWESOME, but still. It's a bit jarring to me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's odd to see how much can change over what seems as short as a year or so.

For all zero of you asking: I'm much better now than I was a year ago. Back then, I had to deal with my overbearing mother constantly nagging, berating and emotionally abusing me, along with the fact that the very few friends I had managed to make at the time decided to stop talking to me because I "act weird". I had managed to not only be alone and beaten down in the real world, but had also accidentally cut contact with all of you guys without even thinking about it. I'm so, so sorry.
Now, however, I am with a wonderful, wonderful girl who I expect to be with for a long time, and I've made many new friends. I also came to the realization that the few friends I had managed to make last year were pretty toxic to my personal well-being, and that nothing good would have come from them anyway. Finally, I'm taking what I hope to be the proper course of action to make myself financially and emotionally independent from my mother, so that she can never mess with my head again. I'm fairly confident in saying that she is the cause of the majority of the mental/emotional problems that I have, and the problems that have arisen from them. For too long I've put up with her constant negative attitude, and I'm through with it. In the coming months, if everything I have in mind goes according to plan, I'll finally be free from her.

And hopefully when all of this is said and done, I can finally start to like myself, and I can finally get back to the things I enjoy most, such as making music and drawing.

Anyway, sorry about all the words. I feel they needed to be said.

Thank you

~Dillon-the-Hedgehog AKA Doc Proto AKA Matthew Dillon Smith
  • Listening to: The Protomen- Vengeance
I say I'm leaving, and I come right back the next week. Then I say I'll be coming back and I leave for like HALF A YEAR.

I'm awful at this.

Hello friends, how are you?
If you've been wondering where I've been and what I've been up to, you can probably get your answer here: docproto.tumblr.com . And if you wanna see what I've been drawing or whatever, there should be a button that says something like "art" that you can click to show my doodles.

Then there's that whole ask blog of mine that's going slowly, askdocproto.tumblr.com

Also I went to college. And now I'm working for the summer.

So yeah, I'm sorry friends. Are we cool? I should try and get back here new often, but no promises.
  • Listening to: The Protomen- Vengeance
"Send your armies. There's no man or machine who can stop me, and you'll soon see."

WELL HOWDY THERE FOLKS? Miss me? And did I miss anything? No?
ALRIGHT THEN.

Yes, I think I'm 'back'. And by that, I suppose I mean that I'll be popping in more than 'never' and posting things every now and then.
GET PREPARED FOR SOME BACKLOGGED SHIZ.

Mind you, this may just be the 'high' mood I experience, and I may hit a 'low' later on. We shall see.
  • Listening to: Metallica- Astronomy
You probably didn't need to see this journal to know that this was coming, what with me being gone so long... but yeah. I'll be taking a leave from DeviantArt.
I don't know how long or even if this is permanent. I may log on tomorrow with some grand new idea or scheme of mine. Or this may be the last thing I ever post here. If the second thing is true, then I would just like to say:
Thank you guys for all you've done for me. Whether it's listening to my emotional dribble, looking at the drawings I make, or even just talking to me with goofy antics and random chit-chat. It's been a lot of fun, and I just want you guys to know that I probably won't forget about you.

I know this sounds overly dramatic. I mean, it's not as if I'm dying or anything! But I do need to take care of some things, whether they be mental, emotional, college related, or whatever. While I'm doing that I don't want there to be, in the back of my head, the hanging thought of "Oh goodness, I've left all of the awesome people from Deviantart hanging!" So I'm writing this to sort of make it 'official' I suppose.

Thank you.
Good night.
And have a Merry Christmas.
  • Listening to: Mortal Kombat Movie Theme
  • Drinking: Sweet Tea
1. Something I learned about you looking at your DA for 20 seconds.
2. You remind me of what color
3. My first memory of you.
4. Something I've always wondered about you.
5. What I Like About You.
6. I'll give you a weird name.
7. I'll tell you a song that you should check out.
8. I challenge you to put this on your journal
I am in it now.

Yay.

That is all.
*GASPING FOR BREATH AS IF COMING UP FROM UNDERWATER*
DEAR LORD SWEET JESUS, where am I? What's going on? YOU THERE! BOY IN THE STREETS! WHAT DAY IS IT?

...

Oh. Its July 18th. A bit disappointing, seeing as how it's not really a special day or anything.

ANYWHO! As of now, I shall be getting on here more often (Or at least, that's what I tell myself). Turns out graduating high school DOESN'T mean you get all the time in the world to do whatever you want. Instead it means you have to get a job to help pay for COLLEGE. I'll be heading off to college on August 15th, soooo... Yes. That. Perhaps I'll have more time for this kind of stuff, or perhaps I'll have less? I don't think the latter is possible though, seeing as how I have zero time to draw now, and there's really nothing less than zero time-wise (unless the universe wanted to start being cruel and start giving me negative time to draw, though I fail to see how that would work...).

What else what else what else... I've been doodling stuff here and there, and I think I've improved marginally. I should show off some doodles sometime. Doodle doodle doodle.

I got a new computer too! It's a Mac! (Aaaaand here comes the flood of people insulting me for owning a Mac)

I think that's all I have to say for the moment. It's good to be back!
Yes, I will be out of the country for the next few days, so any means of trying to communicate with me probably won't work. Just thought I'd give a heads up.

Not that I'm very productive as of late anyway.

See ya Thursday or so!
Well.

I made some music that can be found here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAkdTv… on my iPad. I'll probably get bludgeoned to death because I mentioned that I own an iPad... But whatever.

I guess that's all I've got at the moment. Go listen if you want. Ciao.
  • Listening to: Rise Against
Im hyped up on something that a doctor lady injected into me, and now I can't fall asleep. So I decided to go and delete all of the old old old messages/journals/other stuff that I had building up. I originally had a little over 14,000 messages. Now I have NONE.

Which in retrospect, I feel kind of stupid for doing. When I get bored, I usually browse my old messages to find something interesting to read. BU NOW I CAN'T DO THAT, CAN I? GOD, I HATE ME.

So this injection I got. You maybe asking " Why did you need a shot?" " Why are you telling me this?" " Who do you expect to care about this at four in the morning?"
Well, I've gotten a case of (God forbid I spell this wrong) pharyngitis. Normally, I'd tough it out because I'd like to think my body can defend itself on its own. However, I am also in a play which requires me to SING and DANCE and have my FACE touch other people's FACES (well, only one person). So I went to the doctor to see if they could give me anything. They said that they could give me two shots in the arse for the price of two, along with some fancy pantsy pills. How nice of them. So now I've got some kind of medicine, along with a steroid shot and fancy pills in my system. AND MY BUTT HURTS.

Feel bad for me.

Is there anything else I need to add to this ramble that I will probably want to delete in the morning? Hmm....

OH YES! I'd like to announce to whoever cares that I, Matthew Dillon Smith, shall be attending The University of Mississippi next year! That might not mean much to YOU, but I never thought I'd make it this far! To be honest, I always thought I'd somehow die before I graduated. Kinda depressing, but I'm a weird guy and I was a weird kid. Anywho, I'm planning on going in as an undecided freshman, but I'm kinda interested in majoring in Computer Engineering.

Also, I'll be rooming with a cool Asian friend of mine. That'll be good for me.

...OH RIGHT, THIS PLACE IS WHERE I'M SUPPOSED TO UPLOAD ART. Well, I've drawn stuff, but I don't deem most of it as 'Show it to other people' worthy. But I do have a bit of stuff, I just haven't gotten round to uploading it.

Soooo yeah. I'll end this here, seeing as how I've got nothing else of interest to say. If it was too long, I apologize. I am not in my right mind right now, and I blame medicine.

Ciao.
  • Listening to: Rise Against
IMAGINE A SITUATION THAT YOU WAKE UP NAKED IN BED NEXT TO ME.

Using only 3 words , what would you say to me?

Note: If you comment, please copy and paste this as your journal, So I may comment on yours as well. Be a good sport. Play along.

Stolen from :iconadvancedflea:
  • Listening to: Rise Against
Because I like these kinds of things and BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT.

1. For each of the 30 first people answering this journal, I will put their avatar and the three deviations I like most from their gallery on the list!

2. If you answer,you have to do the same in your journal, putting the tagger on the first place.
The idea of this is not to get a free feature, it is to spread art around for everyone!

1.  :iconbitter-knitter: bitter-knitter.deviantart.com/… bitter-knitter.deviantart.com/… bitter-knitter.deviantart.com/…
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  • Listening to: Rise Against
Yes, I did just copy/ paste the title of this Journal from :iconjohnnywhoa:'s journal. WHAT OF IT?

However, copying and pasting the entirety of his journal wouldn't be very accurate. because he talks about animations and all that kind of stuff, none of which I've ever really delved into...

Anyway, I would like to say this: I haven't been logging on, talking to internet friends, or posting as much stuff as I used to. Sorry 'bout that. Being a senior in high school isn't as much of a cake-walk as I thought it would be... Not to say I haven't been drawing, I just haven't put any of it up here for people to see and/ or giggle at. So, to keep my ass active, I will copy Mr. Whoa's plan of posting something every few days, whether it be a doodle or whatever. That sounds like a good idea... I think.

Also, feel free to leave me requests. I loves me some requests.

P.S.: I'm also up for art trades, if you're into that sort of thing. (also copy/pasted :P)

EDIT: erm... I may have to take back that art trade part. We'll see.
  • Listening to: Very calming song ideas from Christian.
It seems that I don't visit DeviantArt as much as I used to, which is really a shame. I'll probably be getting on more later, but at the moment, life is a bit hectic. And by life, I mean being a senior in high school. So for the moment, I apologize. Please take this slightly bland journal entry as an apology present. I guess.

Also, If you are reading this and I haven't talked to you in a while, feel free to kick my ass and/ or start up a conversation!